Referencing my decision to share this story, I was recently reminded that the internet is forever.
I only reshare the comment because I found the timing ironic. Little did they realize, I was just about to publish the following things that Jared chose to immortalize online.
It’s true. The internet is forever. But murder is too.
Just to recap:
Like the hallmark of many Cluster B Personality Disorders, my uncle Jared had an unstable sense of self. He was a chameleon who shuffled through identities, values, and personalities in what could be characterized into distinctive eras. These included:
The World Traveler: The Jared who I had idolized as a child as he traversed Egypt, China, and many other countries utilizing his deceased father’s airline benefits.
Mahalo Jared: The first of his ten siblings to graduate college at U of Hawaii. Guitar playing surfer by day, alcoholic gambling addict by night.
Jared Christian Vegano: The Texas megachurch attending fruitarian who ran 115 mile ultramarathons and fancied himself a motivational speaker.
The Future Faker: Molding himself into a marriageable man for whichever unlucky woman would be caught up in his web of lies.
Jared Lorenzo: Husband, Father, MBA Student. Murderer.
Five months ago, Jared murdered his own three year old daughter in a show of great brutality. It was the culmination of a prolonged harassment and slander campaign against the woman who dared to leave him when she saw who he really was.
Fourteen years earlier, an online poker playing community rallied together to get him on television. The story he presented was an inspiring tale of redemption and perseverance. It was also less than accurate. And when it no longer suited his goals, he dropped this part of his life entirely and changed his last name to bury it.
TwoPlusTwo: RelaxedPrecision
I stumbled upon Jared’s 1,185 posts on the Two Plus Two poker forum while performing a perfunctory google search during his divorce. Though he utilized the username RelaxedPrecision, he also labeled each and every post with his real name: Jared Huggins. Reading them was an incredibly bizarre experience, as I could vividly remember the time we spent together during the period he was most active online. The internet had been presented with another version of him entirely.
Though this was my first time reading the posts, I remembered when some of his (now deleted) YouTube videos were found and passed around by relatives in the early 2010s. The result was an immediate indignation, followed by decades of whispers. “Remember when he was lying on us to the internet?”
One of the most glaring contradictions stemmed from Jared’s insistence that he had no family to turn to. At the same time, he was leeching off his mother in the way that many men in my family have perfected to an art form. And though he was indeed sleeping in his car, his fundraising efforts left out how many relatives were begging him to stop being so stubborn and take their spare rooms instead. It didn’t make any sense at the time why he was choosing to be homeless. I now realize it’s because being a housed man is not quite as lucrative when it comes to crowdfunding.
With this in mind, it is important to remember that Jared is not a fully reliable narrator. His rise to online poker fame was predicated upon a deliberate skewing of circumstance, and I can’t cherry pick out those lies while taking everything else at face value. But by ending his murderous act in suicide, he forced the rest of us to play detective, as to what was going through his mind. Rather than using them as a factual ledger, I find it most helpful to use these posts in order to decipher his outlook on the world.
When Jared graduated from college in 2008, it was a huge deal. I was among eleven of my family members who flew to Hawaii to watch him cross the stage and it really was a beautiful trip. This was before the various estrangements and betrayals, back when my family felt more like a family than a minefield.
During this trip, it felt like Jared was letting us all into his world. He took me out to learn how to surf. He showed my little brother how to strum on the guitar. We explored the island that had been his home for the past two years and did so without him showing any glaring signs of mental instability.
Jared surfing; Me (age 12) and several other relatives visiting Jared in Hawaii.
Jared had a wonderful girlfriend at the time who had transferred to the University of Hawaii with him, even though it wasn’t the best fit for her desired career path. After graduation, they moved back to Los Angeles together but it didn’t last long. Jared was soon living in his car, which had seemed like a surprising turn of events. However in a thread on the Two Plus Two poker forum about “degenerate” gambling moments, Jared bragged about the secret life he had maintained throughout college.
-addicted 2 poker while in college, almost killed myself from sleep deprivation, missed countless classes to play, played while in class through Wifi...couldn't get myself to stop playing to study for finals/doing term papers so resorted to 4 tabling .5NL while doing ALL of my homework for my entire senior year. Alienated myself from the world to play poker for 1 year straight, lost countless friendships and relationships and work opportunities. ALL THIS WHILE BEING A BREAKEVEN PLAYER.
-Played so many hands without taking a break got carpal tunnel and my vision has suffered.
-Went pro after college on a $500 bankroll and for 6 months straight started month with $100 ended month with $700 to pay all my bills by 1st of the month, only to start all over again. Played 12-16 hours sessions mass multitable microstakes the last week of each of these months.
-Got addicted to poker forums... only way I could stop posting was to have a nervous break down and post porno pics in thread to get my account locked.
Though I was only 13 at the time, I was getting regular updates from Jared about the plight of ‘08 grads. Across phone calls, he took turns bemoaning the recession and detailing his recent job applications/interviews. However, in the same post above, Jared would go on to share:
-27 years old, been lying to my family for 10 months that I'm looking for a job...stil haven't sent out 1 job application.
People began asking follow-up questions within the same “degen” thread, especially after Jared revealed that he was homeless and teased a story of suicide.
11-11-2009, 08:32 PM, RelaxedPrecision, Jared Huggins:
I got a great update coming on my degening. Get ready folks. It’s a doozy. I gotta go to therapy now.
For now I’ll just let you know this… it’s about ME, it’s all true, I’m homeless, ad I almost killed myself. Tata
04-03-2009, 05:48 PM, RelaxedPrecision:
[I’m] At Starbucks with a laptop.
Got a DUI while sleeping in my car with the engine running, lost my job (was a driver), been living in my car the last 3 months. Came to find out the chick I was dating for 3 years had had incestual relationships with her brothers and her father. Found this out whe she started banging a bunch of guys and all kinds of crazy info about her came out.
Can't talk to my family cuz they're:
1. schizophrenic 2. drug abuser 3. drug dealer 4. hermit 5. cult member
I was getting stressed from the situation so I reluctantly got on some antidepressants. Side effects, I began to hear 3 voices. God, Satan, and me. God told me to do charity work, & Satan told me to kill myself. Despite being scared of heights my whole life, I found myself standing at the edge of an 8 story parking structure looking down thinking about jumping. Two security guards patrolling the property saw me and started to come up to me so I ran away.
At this point I had $2000 to my name .... so I LOADED $1500 INTO BODOG . My logic being..."I'm homeless and I have nothing to lose... I've already hit rock bottom and it can't get any worse."
I lost the $1500 in two days at .5-$1. I was right! Losing the $ didn't make me feel any worse.
I was going through withdrawal from alcohol & pills. I was no longer in control and I was either going to kill myself and get it over with or try REALLY hard to get my **** together one last time.
So I:
began to talk to god all day long like he was with me a LOT of writing AA regularly listening to Matisyahu doubling up on therapy visits
Today I GOT A JOB AT OLD NAVY AND I HAVEN'T HAD ANY PANIC ATTACKS OR HEARD ANY VOICES IN THREE WEEKS!!!
To which I’ll say, his girlfriend was not in an incestuous relationship with her male relatives, he was in contact with his family, and I wish he had just jumped then instead of after he murdered Ellie.
Advice began pouring in as an informal q&a session formed within the thread. When asked how he ended up in his car, Jared revealed:
I'm sorting this out now. I seem to have an addictive personality.
I go overboard at whatever I do and constantly do things that alter my mental state. It might have something to do with the fact that I had a crazy abusive childhood and doing basic things like dealing with people, and living life have been huge struggles for me. I pretty much raised myself. My addictions could also be a way for me to escape bad memories. It's probably partially genetic too.
Here are a couple of examples of my past addictions:
-I got addicted to starving myself. I wouldn't eat for a couple of days at a time. After the first day of starving I would get light headed and hallucinate. At 6'3' I went from a natural weight of 190-200 pounds to 160 pounds with all of my ribs protruding. This went on for a year. I would often have trouble breathing and my heart would be racing.
-I taught myself how to play classical guitar by practicing 8 hours a days for 3 months straight without leaving my room. I played through the pain. The end result is that my right wrist is permanently damaged.
Poker was no different than these other pursuits. As a break even player, poker came before eating, sleeping, brushing my teeth, showering, and school work. I had no friends. My school work suffered greatly.
By my senior year of college, I couldn't stop playing to the point where I had to 4 table $.25/$.5 or $.50/$1 as I did ALL of my school work, including my final projects. I could not get myself to close the poker tables no matter what. I missed countless classes because I was playing microstakes poker, or was too sleep deprived to go to class. When I was in class, I was on the wi-fi playing HU NL.
By the end of my senior I had given up on trying to control my poker addiction, instead I just tried to numb the daily pain. I'd roll out of bed in the morning and fill up a bottle of Gatorade 3/4 of the way with Vodka and sip it throughout the day while in class until I got back to the tables to help scratch the terrible itch of being away from the poker tables. The alcohol also killed the part of my brain that felt stressed by having to fabricate all school work at the last minute. I had some really interesting presentations that year. I learned that you can't play poker non stop and still prepare for group presentations. It didn't matter anymore, I had grown bold, "Jared, you ready to present your part?". I'd bust out the Gatorade bottle in the hallway before we went in, "Don't worry, a hit of my magical juice- vertical integration and Coca-Cola's competitive advantages will all make sense!"
The year after I graduated college, I played poker till I physically and mentally broke myself. Playing 10, 15, 20 hours of poker/day the year after I graduated college, I grinded out a small profit each month to survive, mostly from rakeback.
Eventually I began to physically deteriorate, my body just fell apart. My vision grew blurry, I had to get a new prescription. I suffered from chronic back pain. I used an old knee injury as an excuse to sit up for 2 months straight without leaving the house to "rest the knee" and play poker non stop. I was so engulfed in playing break even poker that I didn't notice that my left knee had atrophied to the point where it looked like a ****ing arm. It ended up taking me 6 months of knee therapy to get that knee back close to normal health.
As a 26 year old man I had no normal or healthy relationships with other humans.
For the 2 years that poker had it's grasp on me every facet of my life collapsed & was swallowed by the blackhole. Sadly, the years before my poker addiction were really terrible and traumatic to the point where being chewed to death slowly by the poker demon was an improvement. Nevertheless, it was a disgusting existence.
In the previous post, he claimed that his relationship ended after discovering a pattern of incest and cheating. But his admission here aligns more closely with what I’ve gathered from interviews, that his girlfriend left the relationship frustrated that he didn’t pull his own weight.
It’s also interesting that here he admits pretending to be too injured to work, as this would occur again in subsequent relationships. In one, he claimed to be recovering from a car accident with a story that didn’t quite add up. And with Ellie’s mom, he would claim that he was unable to work because of the severity of an autoimmune disease. But as a doctor, she was able to recognize that his test results and medical records did not match his purported conditions. If his disease was as far-gone as he stated, his scans and symptoms would look differently.
HU VS a drooler, lost my "roll" (the Jared Huggins story)
Early in 2010, Jared created a thread that altered the course of his life. It began as documentation of his most recent poker game results but a brief mention of homelessness led to great community intrigue. From there, Jared continued posting updates about his situation, not yet outright asking for money but lamenting in the specific way someone does when they want you to be the one who brings something up.
02-19-2010, 04:02 PM, Jared Huggins:
Getting dressed to go out and apply now [for jobs].
I’m 5 peanuts and 2 cups of water into my day. Finding some awesome links about food for broke people in LA.
In another, he writes:
Not sure if I'm going to go back to being homeless next week or not.
DUI program payment: $150 Cell phone/gym/storage: $150 Car registration: $75 Food/other expenses: ?
$That's $375 + Food/other. $500 to my name. Not sure how I'll be renting a place for next month. Gonna give it some thought.
oh and by food I mean, peanuts & water. Day 4 of peanuts, water, and begging diet.
Jared would continue pretending to live off of peanuts, even though we regularly congregated around my grandma’s dining table for large family meals.
It’s true he was poor. He no longer had a romantic partner to leech off of, and his mother could only fill in so many gaps in that regard. Still, she was committed to replenishing the male coffers for the long haul, sitting me down as a pre-teen to explain that she wouldn’t be leaving me anything in her will.
“I just want to explain it now, Zinny,” she said. “It’s not because I don’t love you. It’s because I have faith in your ability to provide for yourself. I know you’ll be able to find a successful career and be an independent adult. But I have to take care of my sons. I’m all they have.”
Though he’s done much worse, it’s for this reason that the peanut posts bother me so. Many people really are out here struggling with hunger and homelessness, specifically because they don’t have such a committed safety net. By cosplaying a chicken pecking at whatever he could scrounge off the floor, he was denigrating the woman who’d centered her life around keeping the umbilical cord intact.
Yet another mention of those damn peanuts
Of course though, 2+2 poker forum lacked this insight into my family dynamics. They remained rapt towards the only source of information they had.
Multiple people asked how Jared became homeless, one poster remembering that he lived with a girlfriend not too long ago. That commentator may have remembered her existence from this earlier post in which Jared laughs about raping her as “payback” for laughing at him. As he is an unreliable narrator, I pray that was another lie.
Jared’s new version of the break up has no mention of the gambling addiction he addressed earlier. Instead, he piled on additional slanderous accusations:
That girl had a lot of daddy, uncle, & stranger next door issues. My 3 years with her ended with her acting out. Prey become predator type of thing. She found some married dude with a cute little daughter. So she banged the husband, started stalking him, hence messing everything up for the little girl. It was disgusting.
She had a lot of evil **** happen to her, I pray to God for her.
In a more comprehensive “cliff notes” on the subject, Jared provided the following account of his homelessness:
Poker poker poker poker -> money money money money
Aug '09: Stress->Stress Meds->Couple of Drinks-> What planet am I on? ->sleep in parked car engine running ->.09 DUI -> "DOH!" -> lost job -> no money -> homeless . No more poker.
pee in bottle -> shower at bally's -> no license -> no insurance -> stay on the backstreets! -> sleep in car -> "did that lady see me naked?" -> apply apply apply -> new job -> work work work -> harassed by cops -> "YAY, totally going to rent a room!" -> "slow this year" -> let go. -> more pee in bottle -> sleep in car -> note to self: don't park near schools, someone might think you're a pedophile -
New Job -> hours limited -> work work work -> sleep in car -> "I don't care if that lady sees me naked" -> harassed by cops -> sleep in car -> " can people tell that I'm homeless by looking at me" -> why does my boss hate me? -> work work work -> "Good news. You're killing it! You're the top salesperson for the entire holiday season! You are one of the salespeople of the month! Your picture shall be up in the break room for all to see! Everyone in the store seems to love you, employees & customers alike. So we won't fire you. But unfortunately there is one manager who is still not convinced. So you'll only be scheduled for 8 hours a week"
-> sleep in car -> piss in street -> apply apply apply -> gas pumper, change beggar, tire scrubber -> "PENNIES OK!" "NICKELS OK!" "DON"T BE SCARED!" -> fell on the ground food eater -> fast food chicken asker for -> apply apply apply -> sign waiver, street dancer,
2-2010 "OMG are they about to break into my car? Can't they see that I'm inside?!?!? -> nightmare -> nightmare -> nightmare -> "Jesus, please assist me" -> light shines -> place for 2 weeks -> thank you Jesus! -> warm in here -> wow, beds are awesome -> work work work-> apply apply apply -> peanuts water -> peanuts water-> OMG -> 6 days left before I'm back in my car
I don’t know why he chose a spoken word format for this personal history, but it’s really interesting to see the evolution from “did that lady see me naked” to “I don’t care if she sees me naked.” It’s just a glimpse, but adds to his inappropriate behavior towards women. We can see more about this from a later post about his life story:
If I liked a girl, I'd cut out newspaper clippings into a cryptic message, and mail it to her. I can’t remember how many girls I scared away with my bizarre behavior. And when I told people the truth about how I felt about life and what I was going through, they just thought I was a weirdo. I was 25 years old the first time I kissed a girl, went on a date, or had an intimate relationship with a woman who I was not paying money to.
I also don’t know why the manager at REI would relegate Jared to only eight hours per week if he was the top salesman of the season. Maybe because they could tell he was a weirdo, maybe because it didn’t actually happen. In any case, Jared was using his time working at the store as a source of unrelated, supplementary income.
Today, this big husky girl with linebacker shoulders came in2 my job today to buy shoes...size 11. She looks exactly like a man. She had this big lady with her who told me the size 11 girl liked me. So I gave her my digits. I hope she calls me soon. If she calls me I'm going to try & seduce her & go live with her. Wherever she lives, I'm sure there's plenty of food.
The big lady I met at my camping store last night, called me up today. Said she wants me to help her "break in her hiking boots" this weekend.
I felt this tingling in my spine, this is not a person I want to see naked. I told myself in my head, "Shut up you little bitch! You wanna sleep in the streets. This woman is the love of your life." Beggars can't be choosers I guess. I'm gonna try to get to know her a little bit.
To not only do this but also shamelessly post about it online really speaks to how Jared viewed women. The subsequent relationships in which he bled women dry financially only solidifies that wanton disregard and disposability. It begs the question, did he give himself this same pep talk before lying through his teeth during his wedding vows?
Around this time, commenters began offering money for various video requests, including handing out money to people living on the streets:
And another dancing while wearing the mascot outfit from his sign twirling job.
Rather than addressing basic needs, he solicited these funds in order to replenish his online poker account and continue betting.
When one poster asked Jared to take a picture with a certain phrase painted on his forehead, he did so with an extra flourish by holding a knife between his teeth.
”This pic is disturbing,” one poster commented. “Mission accomplished,” he replied.
It’s at this same time that someone requested a video of Jared hugging strangers. An additional $10 was offered for him to grab a woman’s ass in the process, which Jared countered by asking how much extra he would get if he was arrested for said assault. Ultimately though, he decided to go in a more wholesome direction with the video. This decision panned out better than he ever could have expected.
4 days till I'm homeless again. "Homeless man eating" video will then come. "Free hug" video will come. "Day in Homeless Man's Life" or "Homeless Cribs" video will come. Any suggested stunt or bizarre act posted in this thread, I'll probably do in exchange for $. For money, most likely, I'd probably be willing drink my own piss.
Free Hugs Era:
I remember Jared sharing the following video with whoever happened to be congregated at my grandma’s hose that day. There was definitely some confusion on how one gets paid money from a stranger to make a video hugging other strangers. But overall it seemed to have made him happy, and aligned with the hippie dippy personality he’d cultivated.
Once the video started circulating online though, Jared’s story started garnering sympathy, attention, and money. I’ll post some of the many many positive online responses from the community below:
“For what its worth, I bookmarked the hugs video as something to untilt me if I am ever in a bad mood. It is really inspiring for me.”
“I have been following this thread for days now and have wanted to post but i just havnt known what to say. But here goes.
You truly are an inspiration and i wish you nothing but the best in future! From everything i can gather you are talented on many levels and have so much going for you. Once you get yourself back on your feet please dont go back to punishing yourself because if anyone deserves to be happy, its you!”
“i just read the entire thread, and i must say OP u are an inspiration, and a really shocking/heartwarming thread this is, im amazed by how people send money and all little bits probably helped and by your fighting spirit and how u keep ur head up and try to get through the "rough patch" i wish u many good things and much love...”
“This is amazing. I really did not expect to ever see a story like this in BBV. Jared, the most incredible part is that instead of just gritting your teeth and faking your way through some dumb stunts for money, you took each challenge, embraced it completely, and spun it into something truly wonderful. That hug video is the stone cold nuts. Thank you for the smiles.
You have a wonderful spark and an optimism about life that seems completely at odds with the experiences you've been through, and you've been generous enough to share that spark with us scumbags. You really are an inspiration. But I hope the inspiration is two-way. It's encouraging to see so many BBVers contributing to get you back up on your feet, but it sounds like you have many more hard miles to travel and demons to confront. Take this money, this experience, and these kind words from BBV and do what you've done with everything we've given you...
Spin it into something wonderful.
Stay positive, work hard, and good luck, sir.”
His next post in the thread wasn’t quite as uplifting, and I can’t really understand why anyone would share it attached to their real name, other than a perverted thrill of publicized sexual deviancy.
Sorry for not updating this thread the last 2 weeks. Been working everyday, I really want to change my life, and I don't want to be the type of person who talks about doing it, I want to do it.
Last two weeks worked everyday morning till night, double shifts when possible. Living off $1 McDoubles & McChickens, saving for a place.
Few nights ago, 12 AM, had just got off work & had showered at the gym, dark out, in my car getting ready to go to sleep, car is parked, engine/lights off. A few houses down the block, but my side of the street there's a park, car repair place, the street looks pretty deserted.
Figured I'd jack off, hey I worked hard all day I earned it right? I get er done, hands coverd in jizz, so I'm groping around in my car, looking for something to wipe down with, when what do I see creeping down the street towards me in the rearview? You guessed it... a F-ing cop car.
My seat is already allllllll the way back, so I just lay down, hoping the cops just go right by. They do. wheeeew. That was close. I sit up for a second to look and THE COP CAR IS PULLING A U AND COMING BACK TOWARDS ME.
"Oh, SHT".
So I lay back down and hope they pass by again, my hands are still totally covered in semen and man juice at this point. I'm laying down as low as possible, I can't even see what the hell is going on. Then this bright ass light just shines into my car. For a second at first, then there's another light and it's blinding ... my blanket in the back, my suits hung up in the back for interviews, the cops can see that my car is filled with homeless person crap, and other stuff I wasn't able to put away cuz it's so dark I can't even see what's in my own car. Damn... they know I'm in here.
I wipe some of the jizz on my fingers onto the passenger seat. Whatever happens I don't want them to think I'm some sort of pervert, I could get locked up for that sht.
Figuring it'll lessen my chances of getting shot, I slowly sit up in my seat with my hands in the air. The light is shing right in my face, I'm totally blind, all I can see are my own wet hands in front of my face. "Oh **** I still have cum on my fingers!" I reach my right hand down to quickly wipe it off, two cop voices scream:
"KEEP YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"
"DO NOT MOVE YOUR HANDS! ARE YOU A FKCING IDIOT! KEEP YOUR HANDS IN THE AIR!"
Two officers approached my car and interrogated me. I prayed that they didn't notice my man juice on my hands, and they didn't. Had to roll down the back window, lean back and answer their questions out of that one, cuz the driver's window doesn't roll down.
After 10 minutes of busting my balls and making me sweat, they let me off saying that someone from down the street had somehow noticed that I had parked in that neighborhood a few nights that week and called the cops. As long as I agree to never sleep homeless in the city of Torrance again I was let off with a warning this time.
And to think, I had seen one of those damn Neighborhood Watch signs on that block late one night and laughed at it, "Hahaha neighborhood watch, what a joke" I had said to myself.
But after this, Jared started really cleaning up his image, focusing on inspirational content, and leaning into Christianity. When he posted the next video, things really started taking off.
Jared showed off his new room rental while thanking community members profusely for their financial and emotional support. Additionally, he had positive updates about his DUI program and newfound sobriety.
Now that he was no longer living in his car, it seemed to inspire a strong sense of accomplishment amongst forum members and strengthen their parasocial relationship.
One person replied,
“Hey Jared, very moving video. On behalf of all of your supporters here, I would like to say THANK YOU! for doing what you have done for US!
Monetary donations only go so far, but you have been a true inspiration to everyone of us. I believe that you have taught a lot of us that when your world gets bad that circumstances can be perservered through with a good heart and a greatattitude.
You may or may not know but the days were you gave out hugs at venice beach, there were people who were probably having a rough day, a rough week, even a rough month, who you changed their entire course of emotions, through simple act of love.
There were days where I personally had thought about giving up and offing myself. There were days where I felt too depressed to do anything, and you, a total stranger was there to encourage me to make the best of my circumstances and situations. I am sure if it was not for your words of love and kidness that I would not be here today. You seemed to find what I needed to hear in order to perservere through my rough times the last few months. Thank you brotha, I really appreciate it.
You truly are one of the most amazing people I have ever spoken to. I hope to meet you some time in LA and spend some time with you.
Thank YOU for doing what you have done for us here at the forums through showing how much perservernce and a great attitude can do even in the worst of circumstances.
Great for you love man”
Another suggested banding together to get Jared cast on The Big Game, a poker television show that held one spot open for “Loose Cannons” (amateurs) to compete against professionals.
He was truly psychotic. It’s so alarming. Z, I know that writing all of this has taken a toll and I just want you to know how incredibly brave I believe you are. Thank you for doing the hard thing and always telling the truth. Love you hon.
He was truly psychotic. It’s so alarming. Z, I know that writing all of this has taken a toll and I just want you to know how incredibly brave I believe you are. Thank you for doing the hard thing and always telling the truth. Love you hon.